Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
