That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
