He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
