whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
