Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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