Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
