Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
