you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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