I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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