I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
