happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
