I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
