We won't sleep together?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
