Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
