Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
