But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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