I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
