areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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