Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
