so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
