Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
