why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
