just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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