There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
