I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
