Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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