i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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