I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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