Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
