I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
