Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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