Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
