And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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