I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
