just tell him i said nine months
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
