did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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