omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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