porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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