My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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