There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
