You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
