yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
