Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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