A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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