The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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