Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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