I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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