The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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