so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
