so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
