i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
