dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
