Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
