A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
