Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
