did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
