He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
