too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
