So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
whose ass print is on the piano?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
