Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
