It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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